Beauty and Brain (Original Composition of Elle)

Good looks? That changes a lot though.  

When I was an elementary student, I got a crush on a boy who is one year ahead of me.  He is a grade six student and I was grade five.  He is taller than me, his skin is white complexion and he has a beautiful smile that made me fall everyday I saw him.  Me? I am a small girl, has flat nose, dark skin and fat.  My brother used to call me ‘baboy'(pig) because I was totally fat that time.  I don’t eat much but very much.  And what do I expect? Ofcourse he didn’t even notice me existing in that school.  

When there is a chance, I will stand right to the door of our classroom and wait for him to go outside or atleast stand on their door too.  Just a simple glimpse of his smile would make my day.  I was totally carried by my feelings to him until I thought that giving him something would make him notice that i like him.  But it turned out so different, it was our Christmas Party and on that day I told my classmates to give me any amount that they can because I have no money left for we are not rich, I just wanted him to know me. So I’ve collected an amount that would be enough to buy him a burger and juice in the canteen.  And after buying, I went straight to their classroom and without any hesitations I offered it to him…I can feel my knees strangling to nervousness and my hands are shaking.  After seconds of looking at me, he then shook his head as a sign of disapproval.  I felt ashamed of myself, what on the heck am I doing in a grade six- classroom and making my self an idiot one?  I went out of their classroom and as fast as flash I sat on my chair still holding the burger and juice.  But instead of giving up, I proceed to another option.  I told my classmate to give it to him and say it was just a Christmas gift for him and wow! He accepted it.  But that changed nothing, he still didn’t notice me so I stopped being stupid in him.  Sometimes I’ve realized, he is handsome but not that smart and I am not pretty but I can assure that I am quite brainy because during my elementary days I am always qualified to attend on star section or atleast section B classes.  Still I’ve got a disadvantage that is why he can’t notice me.

Moving on to my highschool days…I’ve got so many crushes and all of them broke my heart as if I’m the ugliest person that will have crush on them.  But the most embarassing thing that I did totally made me cry for nights and degrade myself and that moment I lose my confidence and self-esteem.

He was obviously handsome, again one year ahead of me, a guy who don’t talk too much but not quite smart.  When my friends knew I had a crush on him, they will always bullied me and cheer when he walks outside our classroom.  My friends supported me, they pushed and pushed me until I fell but he did not catch me.  He knew it from the very start that I have feelings for him.  One afternoon, my friends told me that he is one of the cleaners on that day so I took that chance to talk to him.  My friends locked us inside the room and he looked very shy, I talk and talk so that it would not be akward for us but he is not looking at me.  Chance wasted because he didn’t even say a word but I did not gave up.

There was a singing contest in our school and even though I don’t sing in an audience, I listed my name and when it is my turn to sing I just did it not for competing but the song I sang was for him.  Unbelievably, when singing I am just looking at him but he didn’t looked back.  His classmates were teasing him and my classmates were cheering so loud and at the end obviously I did not won but I received a certificate of participation.  After what I have done, nothing changed.  

I almost cried during our Prom because he didn’t even thought of dancing with me.  Why am I expecting that?  Anyways I knew I am not his type.  I knew it from the very  beginning but I kept blind from it.  Until he personally made me feel…

It was again our Christmas party, I asked my mother to give me money and I lied to her that I am going to buy a gift for my friend but the truth is I bought my crush a new watch.  I wrapped  it and I am very excited to give it to him.  When our party ended, I went to their room to give it to him but he was not there.  His classmates said that he was playing computer games outside the school so I looked for him.  At last I found him, he didn’t see me because he was too busy playing  so I immediately put the gift on his desk and I  ran.  And every  night I wish that he liked it, that he will atleast by chance thank me.  And when our classes resumed, I am very nervous on what he will do.  I am pretending to be calm but I was always standing on our door for him to easily approach me but he didn’t.  And I was surprised, I was sitting on the door and he faced to me and extended his arms and he gave me back my gift.  He didn’t even say something, that he didn’t like the watch or any reason but it is clear that he gave it back for he doesn’t like me.  That was a very painful moment for me.  It was like I am being slapped hard for many times, it was like the world shook and it was the end of it and I was like hoping at that time that the place I was standing would eat me alive or a big sack would volunteer to cover my face from embarrassment!  I couldn’t help to get emotional at that time so I just went to the comfort room to release my emotions—sadness, rejections and angriness because  he doesn’t even act fair, why being so rude to me?  I think I have done all my best to be part of his life but he pushed me away, why? because I am not pretty.  I am just a fat, simple and ugly student who wanted to be a special person of a handsome guy in our school.  That was one of my frustrations in life and another frustration was being in love with the most intelligent guy on our batch– handsome, kind, talented and gentleman.  He knew that I have a crush on him, I fell for him but he just catched me as a friend.  He knew that I was the one who is always giving him love notes and birthday cards when it is his birthday.  He knew that I will be uncomfortable when he is around but he let it happen.  He didn’t confess or anything but I know also that he didn’t and he wouldn’t like me.  I am far from his type.  But because of him, I learned to prove myself and stand on my own.  I just followed him and then realized that I  don’t like him any more.  He inspired me a lot but it hurts me when at the end of our highschool days we had never been classmates, if that happens I think he would know me better. But now I know to myself that I have moved on from four years of hoping that he would stleast know me better.  Nothing I can trade with him aside from my personality and my abilities and brains.  If I were pretty enough then there would be atleast 50% of chance to be loved by the ones that I have loved before.  

Nowadays, some men prefer to date girls  who have  brains and sense of humor and I can say it’s true love.  Sadly, it’s still the physical appearance that would make a guy notice you…it takes time for him to know you’re a lot better than any pretty girls he have dated before.  Beauty over powered brains but money can buy beauty and brains will be like a treasure that no one can steal from the beholder.  

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